pore poetry, a mr. productaddict haiku

shu uemura high performance balancing cleansing oil

Purity in palm
simple is the motion made
five years, poof! down drain

sound investment: 6
does it turn back time?: 7
sensory satisfaction: 8
cool factor: 9
rate of addiction: 7.5

the spraylist: habitual de la ritual

habit rouge body shampoo

I know your deal. you’ve been wearing the same cologne since jean loved jezebel. it’s part of you, it’s an old friend. it clings to you like that favorite pair of jeans you’ve had since high school. much like those jeans, though, that fragrance doesn’t fit quite the same, does it?
you’ve mulled over making a change. you try a spritz of this, a spray of that; but you just can’t embrace anything new. you’re scent stunted, parfum paralyzed - you’re a fragrance holden caulfield.
then lo and behold you come across something you kinda sorta love. say, like guerlain’s habit rouge. you think, ‘this is really original. i don’t think i’ve ever smelled anything quite like it. sweet, but dark. complex, yet straightforward.’ You’re not surprised that despite being around since 1965, it’s still tops in france and a favorite of stars from keith richards to sean connery. you think, ‘but (gulp)…it’s so different from what i wear now. could this be an everyday scent for me?’ your breathing quickens, your pulse goes crazy. you wonder, ‘what the hell happened to all the air in the room!’ the walls seem to arch toward you and everything starts spinning…spinning…spinning…
my advice: think baby steps, think beginning slowly, think…body shampoo.
some of us can only get attached to one scent at a time. starting off with a body product version of a new scent is a great way to “test drive” before that full fledged cologne commitment. who knows, maybe you’ll discover that the subtle scent of this product is just the right amount of fragrance for you and forgo the traditional eau de toilette. just a word of warning – scent addiction is a cruel cycle, so just when you thought you’ve moved on, you find yourself just as attached to the new scent. and, trust me, a rouge habit is a hard one to break.

sound investment: 6
does it turn back time?: 5
sensory satisfaction: 9
cool factor: 8
rate of addiction: 7

dental damns

fructodent orange-lemon toothpaste

It is a wildly accepted concept that 99% of the general population hates the dentist.
i have the opposite problem. my dentist hates me.
i don’t know why, i don’t know what i did. i’m courteous and on time, i rinse when asked, bite down when required. i’ve had only two cavities my entire life; and for chrissakes, i floss. ok, maybe once I mentioned that she looked an awful lot like penny marshall, but i didn’t say if it was penny marshall now or penny marshall in her halcyon “Laverne” days. i certainly didn’t say that it was totally penny marshall now, only less feminine, and with a home perm. so really, where’s the problem?
my best guess is that i don’t kowtow to her prevailing brand of ortho-fascism. case in point…this fructodent orange-lemon toothpaste. it was during my last cleaning that i made the mistake of mentioning this great new toothpaste i had come across. before i could go any further i was bombarded:
“does it have dual tarter control and whitening?”
“is it suitable for sensitive gums”
“did you buy it here?”
the last one was the clincher. you see, the corner of her office looks like the swag table at a celebrity dental convention – everything from sonic plaque removing systems to $500 ergonomic tongue scrapers. every cleaning it is seriously recommended that i invest in five or ten of these products, and every cleaning i decline politely.
knowing that any answer i gave would just fall upon deaf teeth, i decided to forgo telling her how i came across this unique product awhile back on coolhunting.com. how it was a new import from europe that had just landed on the shores of…rite aid. how I love a product that flies under the radar. how it had great packaging. how the flavors tasted like better versions of kid toothpastes, without being too preciously gourmet (who wants to brush with basil anyway?). how it made for a great break from the usual and was perfect for that before bed brushing.
instead i just shrugged my shoulders and said:
“ummm…i dunno…i just liked the bottle.”
that did it…the latex gloves were off. she looked at me like i might as well be flossing with twislers and gargling with skittles. the rest of the appointment was coldly silent, only the scrape of that metal pick.
at the end, well, wouldn’t you know it - she concluded that i was on the verge of three cavities. Of course none of them were visible to the naked eye, or in the x-rays, but oh yes, she was certain, the decay was imminent.
Hmmm…so is my search for another dentist.

sound investment: 8
does it turn back time?: 6
sensory satisfaction: 9
cool factor: 9
rate of addiction: 8

shiny unhappy people

shiseido blotting papers

pitiful…

This was the only word that came to mind this morning when i stared out the window of my air conditioned cab. what did I see? a never ending throng of limp, moist pedestrians slowly simmering in this heat stew we call new york city. 99 degrees, 102 degrees, heat emergency, heat warning, heat index, blah, blah, blah – it all boils down to a bunch of sweaty people with glistening brows.
now, i understand that perspiration is our friend, that it’s nature’s own cooling system. i think it’s swell that the almighty saw fit to regulate internal temperature and rid the body of toxins by soaking us in our own salty brine. it all makes me thrilled to be a mammal. and yet…enough already.
let me introduce you to these amazing blotting papers from shiseido. a simple, perfect way to soak up all that dewy grime and help keep your pores clear and non reflective. i bet your skeptical. i bet you saying, ‘blotting papers? oh, mr. productaddict, what’s next – lace handkerchiefs and tuberose smelling salts?’ very funny.
listen, i’m not saying to run around town blotting away like your dear aunt prudence and her coty compact. use a little discretion. a little rubdown while on your commute, a quick swipe before a big meeting – not a big deal. no more challenging to your manhood than the moist towelette you used after those mets stadium nachos.
still hemming and hawing? well, fine - i’m sure that clogged and melting is a good look for you. as for me, next time the city starts to resemble the steam room of the mohave health and racquet club, i will hail the nearest well chilled cab, reach for one of these papers, and know that i finally have something in common with my cab driver – we’re both blotto.

sound investment: 10
does it turn back time?: 6
sensory satisfaction: 5
cool factor: 7
rate of addiction: 7

mr. productaddict takes a holiday

ruscoven cream

It’s that time again.
time when the warm trade winds of wanderlust coax us into relinquishing our hard earned air miles. time when the siren song of duty free is too intoxicating to ignore and the air is perfumed with the sweet smell of jet fuel on the tarmac. time when a young mans fancy naturally turns to thoughts of….deep vein thrombosis.
did i mention my fear of flying? oh, it’s not the impending fiery doom at 30,000 ft. that has me breathing into a paper bag. no - it’s the economy seating. more accurately, it’s the killer blood clot I’m sure is forming in that airless cramped 3x4x3 configured cabin and will strike before i could even scream out, 'DVT!', which no one would hear what with that wailing devil child kicking my seat. but i digress as this is a fear no more.
how have I found piece of mind? well, hold on to your jaunty fedora ‘cause i’m about to do something that is as shocking as it is morally reprehensible. i am going to praise alitalia airlines. no kidding. i’m serious. for real.
it was on a recent flight from milan to new delhi that I was handed a travel kit with the antidote to my paranoia. among the usual cheap toothbrush, earplugs and abrasive eyemask I found this little tube of serenity - ruscoven cream. ahhh, doesn't it just roll off the tongue? the cream is made by the tuscany based company aboca, renowned in europe for its use of natural herbal remedies, specifically to combat the atrophy of jet travel by promoting circulation in the legs. how? it contains peppermint and witch hazel for invigoration, but gets most of it's zing from the root herb butcher's broom (ruscus aculeatus ), a circulatory stimulant.
do i believe it? well, let me put it this way - when the plane arrived two hours late and my bags two days after that, i had no fear that kicking and screaming at the alitalia counter would dislodge any deadly clots. for me, that's proof enough that this cream is la dolce vital.
sound investment: 10
does it turn back time?: 6
sensory satisfaction: 5
cool factor: 7
rate of addiction: 7

blue monday

malin & goetz peppermint soap

I believe it was a wise bangle who once said, 'just another manic monday... wish it were sunday...'cause that's my funday... my i-don't-have-to-run-day.'
profound as it is true.
i, like most, struggle with the whole nine to five thing... especially the nine part. oh, i do it - productaddictions do not pay for themselves, you know. how? i just added a little kick in the routine. now put away those prescription pads, it's nothing that drastic - just the invigorating lather of a good peppermint soap. true, this is a pretty simple product, but soap isn't rocket science. plus it does the trick. peppermint and monday mornings just go together... like an office cubicle and the crushed dreams of youth.
it's also way more cost effective than that morning double shot latte ritual, so you're still left with enough change for a lottery ticket... or twenty. whatever gets you through the day.
sound investment: 8
does it turn back time?: 5
sensory satisfaction: 9
cool factor: 6
rate of addiction: 7

everything's gone green

korres brushless shaving cream

Al gore is freaking mr. productaddict out.
i have it on his good authority that the world is going to hades in a handbasket. the arctic is becoming a lukewarm puddle, spf 5000 will soon be de rigueur, and our fossil fuel resources, unlike the assortment of b-list celebrity fragrances, are quickly being depleted.
what is a productaddict to do?
should i get that rock crystal deodorant and try to convince myself that it works? or recycle all those plastic six-pack rings and turn them into a makeshift loofah? maybe i could make my own exfoliating soap from melted vanilla tea lights and discarded people magazines? hmmm…i was beginning to doubt the existence of any superior eco-friendly products when, eureka in the bathtub, i came across korres absinthe brushless shaving cream.
korres is a new product line created by top-notch scientists in greece (where else to look to save our civilization than it’s cradle) that uses naturally derived herbs and other active ingredients with environmentally friendly packaging. i liked the sound of it and loved the look. one hitch – i am a skeptic of the brushless shaving cream. they always feel flimsy and never seem to soften the beard enough. since most are translucent when applied, i’m never sure whether my face is fully covered of where i’ve already shaved. confusion and a razorblade are not a good match. still, with equal parts apprehension and ecological brava, i decided to give it a try.
to my surprise, even a thin layer seemed substantial when applied. the cream remained opaque, too, so i could clearly guide my razor. my skin felt supremely softened during and afterwards – plus, well, kinda tingly…in a good way. i’m guessing that’s the absinthe extract, which are rich in strong antioxidants known as flavoniods. who knew that verboten 19th century liquors were becoming the new green tea? my bad for failing to see the wholesome goodness of fermented wormwood. did I mention that the packaging is also great? the minimalist clear tube lets you see just how much product you have left and is dispensed by a handy pump that forgoes all of those ozone-harming chemicals. mr. productaddcit loathes chlorofluorocarbons.

so, i guess a thanks is in order, mr. gore.
thanks for scaring the bejesus out of me with your charts and graphs of doom, but also for making me realize that products can be good for both me and this crazy spaceship we call planet earth. afterall, even though we will soon be fending off locusts while wading through central park, a proper shave will still be expected - that’s just the inconvenient truth.

sound investment: 7
does it turn back time?: 7
sensory satisfaction: 8
cool factor: 10
rate of addiction: 8

the spraylist: mr. productaddict names names

chanel pour monsieur concentree

1955 was a very good year for men. brando was getting the oscar for on the waterfront, nabokov was publishing lolita, eisenhower was, well, eisenhowering, and a truly original scent was born. a scent that has been my personal favorite since I was just a sixteen-year-old babe in the product woods. but listen, i can wax lyrical with a lot half-baked descriptive drivel (ahh…the calla lilies are in bloom again…) but none of us want that. so I’ll just give you the lowdown:
-the top notes of mandarin and lavender give it an instant clean, lemony crispness
-middle notes of cardamom and nutmeg blend it into more spicy complexity
-the base note of oakmoss, vertiver, and vanilla give it a very original soft finish.
-yes, it may be going on 50 years old and lacks an ad campaign with some pretty faced euro soccer star, but this scent is by no means stodgy.
-the original eau de cologne is good, but i find the concentrated version above more long lasting.
-if want something classic but original, satisfying without being overpowering, then this is for you. It’s all very French…without the calories.

of course all of this means nothing till you go out and smell some on yourself. take it from mr. productaddict. Or should I say, monsieur productaddict, nes pa?

sound investment:10
sensory satisfaction: 10
cool factor 9
rate of addiction: 9

scents and insensitivity- a mr. productaddict intervention

ok, so here’s the thing…

I would be perfectly happy to throw out the occasional kudos to a favorite fragrance and hope my advice takes root, but, quite frankly, i don’t think that’ll make a dent in the big picture. yeah, more guys than ever before are diving into the world of scent – and there’s the problem. they are literally drowning themselves. and in less than stellar scents, too. it’s made me shudder even more at the thought of public transportation.

solution? well, i think some education is in order. summer may have just arrived, but there’s still one last test we’ve got for you. we call it the productaddict S.A.T. (scent aptitude test)…take a whiff:

1.first and foremost, the person i wear fragrance for is…
a.) myself
b.) my wife/girlfriend/soulmate and/or life partner
c.) everyone on the 7:52 from syosset

2. my personal taste in scents gravitates toward…
a.) the heady orientals
b.) the light effervescence of a citrus or verbena
c.) whatever maxim magazine smells like this month

3. i was swayed into my current scent by…
a.) it’s cedar top notes
b.) a drydown that hints of first flush darjeeling tea
c.) the donald trump umbrella gift with purchase

4. my favorite place to shop for a new scents is
a.) bergdorfs
b.) serge lutens shiseido salon in the palais royal
c.) the duane reade checkout while i wait for my generic prescriptions

5. when deciding on a new scent, i always trust
a.) my instinct
b.) the opinions of friends, family, loved ones and mr. productaddict.
c.) the overly rouged saleslady who sprayed me while browsing the discount neckwear…but hey, she was wearing a labcoat – she must know her stuff, right?

6. originality is key in your choice of scent, that’s why i…
a.) asked creed to whip up something special just for me
b.) keep abreast of new entries in the niche fragrance market…l’artisian, bond, whathaveyou
c.) write kevin federline thrice daily begging him to launch a scent already.

7. to me the concept of “layering” scents means…
a.) reinforcing a classic like hermes eau d’orange verte with it’s matching soap
b.) the subtle audacity of pairing a crisp acqua di parma with an earthy sandalwood aftershave
c.) axe deodorant + axe shower gel + axe body spray = awesome

8. i understand that scent is a powerful memory trigger. mine evokes…
a.) that summer in capri
b.) dawn at angkor…after the rain
c.) that road trip I took visiting every chemical plant and overchlorinated public pool along the new jersey turnpike

9. i’ve found my cologne always gets compliments…
a.) on a date
b.) from random strangers
c.) for the way it strips paint off old furniture

10. when applying fragrance, my motto has always been…
a.) a little goes a long way
b.) brevity is the soul of the spritz
c.) if it burns, it must be working

how’d it go? truth hurts, huh?
scent, you see, is not for the faint of heart or weak of nostril.
i will soon be adding reviews of some of my favorites, but in the meantime i recommend checking basenotes.net for some serious fragrance tunnelvision.

lotion will tear us apart again

natura bisse diamond extreme anti-aging cream

A cautionary love fable…
boy meets girl, boy falls for girl and her glowing complexion, boy thinks girl is crazy for spending small fortune on creams, girl convinces boy to try a ‘just a dab’ and see what a difference it makes, boy acts indifferent but instantly understands phases like “improved elasticity” and “bio-regenerative”, boy begins stealing lotion blatantly from girl, girl gets wise, girl dumps boy, girl shacks up with a nice dermatologist from Schenectady, boy is left chaffed and alone.

the moral of the story here is twofold…

one…
if the good graces of skincare knowledge smile upon you , appreciate and acknowledge it. the world of hard core creams is a secretive maze full of multi step regimens, daunting prices, and marketing campaigns that are anything but guy friendly. the woman in your life is probably leaps and bounds ahead of you – so listen up. a great cream like this one from natura bisse is not likely to be found next to the aqua velva counter, so it’s easy for guys to miss out on a great product that totally works wonders.

two…
stop being so cheap - buy your own. or share openly and chip in. or just go out and pick up some of this amazing product and turn her on to it.
what’s that? products that bring people together? that’s what we call thinking outside of the botox.

sound investment: 8
does it turn back time: 10
sensory satisfaction: 8
cool factor: 9
rate of addiction: 8.75

muji, take me away

muji milk bath salt

Not to stoke your fires of insecurity…but you will never be as cool as the japanese.
they of the land of the rising sun posses more cool by 9am than your or I will muster all day. take, for instance, muji – the brand that succeeds by being the very antithesis of branding. never a logo, never a marketing blitz, never a sales pitch with the promise of a better existence through commerce only to be left unfulfilled. nope – just everyday stuff made great by simple design.
i have become obsessed with anything muji.
muji notebooks? check. muji luggage? check. muji dishes, cashemere sweaters, disposable cameras, tortilla chips, underwear and garlic press? check and double check.
my particular product addiction, though, are the muji bath salts (mr. productaddict likes baths, ok.) with scents like lemongrass and grapefruit they are already original, but it’s the milk variety that really stand out. not only do they soften the water and leave a soapy, subtle scent, but a few handfuls and the water turns an instant opaque white. crème de la cool, indeed.
now, here’s the fly in the ointment – while muji stores abound in japan, hong kong, london, paris, and milan…they are not to be found in your local strip mall. the MoMa design store carries an anemic muji assortment, but it’s mostly post-its and pencils. there is buzz of a new york store opening soon, though. check out muji.net for updates.
still worried what your tight wound chums might think of your dairy downtime? go ahead and leave them to their stress. real men soak.

sound investment: 8
does it turn back time?: 6
sensory satisfacton: 10
cool factor: 10
rate of addiction: 8.25

(matte)inee idol

johnathan allen matte hair pomade


So…what have you got against cary grant? do you really hate gary cooper? are you trying to make clark gable cry? i only ask because they spent years cultivating a look that defined dapper, all american, streamlined, no fuss, world-on-a-string style…and you just keep ignoring it. maybe those cut away tails and top hat are a bit much for the olive garden and maybe that ostrich attaché case does seem out of place in your cubicle - but at least your hair could learn something. something, say, like the benefits of a good pomade. pomade fits the bill for almost all of a guy’s hair product needs - unless, of course, you are subject to daily blow outs, home perms and hot rollers (if so, then consider this product recommendation moot and get yourself a nice v05 hot oil treatment). otherwise, most of those harsh styling products thrown at us are unnecessary. gels and mousse? yeah, they’re appropriate sometimes…like 1985. and hairspray? never touch the stuff. call me a purist, but i’ve always had this sneaking suspicion that hair shouldn’t be crunchy. what’s so great about pomade, specifically this one, is that it holds and defines shape, but is still totally soft. it doesn’t dry or damage your locks and, because this one is water based, it washes out easily. me, i like the matte finish above; but if you crave the shine of the spotlight there are more reflective versions, too just a word to the wise – if when applying you think that dollop might be a little much, it probably is. It’s a slippery slope from an early james dean to a late aurther fonzerelli. so go out, rent a copy of the philadelphia story, north by northwest, or anything by preston sturges and take some cues. just don’t start calling your co-workers ‘mr. demille’ and letting them know you’re ready for your close up. trust me, that’s kinda a meeting killer.

sound investment: 8
does it turn back time?: 7
sensorty satisfaction: 9
cool factor: 6
rate of addiction: 7.25